jason and i had been married for 6 months when we found out i was pregnant with akina. 9 months after she was born we found out i was pregnant with jasper. 8 months after he was born we found out we are expecting our third child. for almost three and a half years of our almost four year marriage, i have been on a hormone roller coaster. up and down, round and round. i love my children, they have added a richness to my life that i never imagined. but i fight the little green monster every now and again. i fight it hard, because i feel so guilty about it. sometimes i feel like jason and i missed out on a special part of our mariage. the first couple of years to travel together and have fun. freedom. freedom. to do what we wanted, when we wanted. no babysitters, no extra $30 for a date night. believe me, i know how petty this sounds, and how it will probably enrage those who want children more than anything. but this is my honest confession. i struggle with this sometimes. not often, but when it hits, it takes me a little while to shake it. i can't imagine my life without my children and this monster usually climbs on my back when i need a little breather from my duo. when i forget for a minute to truly appreciate them. it is a weakness of mine and i know it. it is something i need to work on.
