Awesome Giveaway!

Olive To Sew is having an awesome giveaway that includes SO many adorable photo props for any kind of photographer!  You should check it out!  http://www.olivetosew.blogspot.com/

my little green monster

jason and i had been married for 6 months when we found out i was pregnant with akina. 9 months after she was born we found out i was pregnant with jasper.  8 months after he was born we found out we are expecting our third child.  for almost three and a half years of our almost four year marriage, i have been on a hormone roller coaster.  up and down, round and round.  i love my children, they have added a richness to my life that i never imagined. but i fight the little green monster every now and again.  i fight it hard, because i feel so guilty about it.  sometimes i feel like jason and i missed out on a special part of our mariage.  the first couple of years to travel together and have fun. freedom.  freedom.  to do what we wanted, when we wanted.  no babysitters, no extra $30 for a date night.  believe me, i know how petty this sounds, and how it will probably enrage those who want children more than anything.  but this is my honest confession.  i struggle with this sometimes.  not often, but when it hits, it takes me a little while to shake it.  i can't imagine my life without my children and this monster usually climbs on my back when i need a little breather from my duo.  when i forget for a minute to truly appreciate them.  it is a weakness of mine and i know it.  it is something i need to work on.

2

my baby girl.

my first born.

i can't believe you're 2!

and sleeping in a big girl bed! where did the time go?!

sept. 4, 2008 was one of the best days of my life!  happy birthday, my gorgeous little girl.

hello me, i'd like to get to know you.

this is me.  i am 30 years old.  i have done a lot in 30 years that i am proud of and some things that i am not proud of.  but all of those things, pride causing or not, have made me who i am.  honestly, i feel i am still getting to know myself.  i am finally comfortable enough with who i am to not be embarassed when i like something that someone else does not. (especially those that like to ridicule people for liking something they think is absurdly ridiculous.)  i was a closet liker of so many things through most of my life because i was so afraid of what other people would think of me.  it has taken me all 30 of those years to get to the point where i don't care.  i am finally comfortable picking out or liking things that are different than "normal".  example: after jason and i got married we used money we had received to purchase a full set of living room furniture.  it is nice furniture, it is normal furniture, it is go with anything furniture.  it is the type of furniture that i am supposed to have so that when we move into a bigger house that has to be perfectly furnished and decorated, you know, the manicured look, i would be ready.  i was being smart, it was transitionable furniture.  now i look at it and all i can think is "blah.  blah, blah, blah."  because that's what it is.  it is boring, it has no personality.  the rest of the room has personality, paintings of hong kong, a bamboo ladder and other asian influences.  i love those, they are a part of who i am.  they describe a little piece of my personality to visitors.  but they are me.  not jason, not my duo, just me.  i lived in china, i bought these decorations, my family wasn't even a glimmer in my mind during my time there.  my whole perception is changing.  if someone walks into your house, what do you want them to see?  that a family lives there, to get a sense of you when they come in, see your family's personality shining through?  or do you want them to see the perfectly put together, restoration hardware living room, right out of the catalog?  don't get me wrong, the furniture is beautiful, but make it yours.  when i am done with my living room, there will be a whole lot of persoanlity shining through.  the chairs that will be going in cost $20 and $29 respectively and i couldn't be more excited about them.  they sure beat the $600 chair i am sitting in right now.  and to end this out, i feel you need to know, i like pop music.  i do.  i like many other kinds of music as well, but this seems to be one of the things that has plagued me since i was quite young.  no one wanted me to like it, so therefore when i was in a pop music-y mood, i had to listen in secret.  so now i am out.  i like it.  and i am going to love my vintage living room when i am done with it. ;-)

i need to download some patience......matrix style!

being a mom is pretty fantastic. chubby little arms (jazz) and not so chubby little arms (akina) reaching for you every morning to hug you and let you know how much you were missed during the night.  i used to think that i did not want children.  i didn't want to give up my freedom, i didn't want to have to devote all of my time to little ones who needed everything from me.  sometimes i still struggle with the amount of freedom that has taken a vacation. (i say vacation because someday that freedom will return.) when i have to turn down invitations or leave a get together earlier than i would like, it's difficult not think a little selfishly.  but, if you gave me the choice between the duo and freedom, i would choose my duo, hands down, no thought, everyday of the week and twice on sunday.  patience is something that is slowly growing in me, it's hard, i have lost my temper an embarassing number of times.  reading love & logic helped a lot and implementing it has done wonders to akina's attitude.  working has also given akina and i time to miss each other, which has helped me appreciate her more and vice versa.  3 months ago she could have cared less if i left for a little while, but now every time i leave i get hugs, kisses, blown kisses and an i love you (which sounds like wuv wu).   when i get home (the times she's awake) she runs to the stairs yelling "mommy!" and i get huge hugs and lots of kisses.  it melts my heart.  hopefully my patience has grown enough to survive potty training intact. ;-)

simply put

I. LOVE. MY. DYNAMIC. DUO.

Grrrrrrr!

i love my husband.  i really really do.  but i want to go on dates.  i want some romance.  i want to feel like time that time with just the 2 of us is as important as time with the duo.  i want to feel special and important.  maybe i am just in a rut, or maybe i am just realizing how little quality time we spent together now that i am working.  maybe i just felt like complaining.  whichever it is, lucky you gets to read about it.