my little green monster

jason and i had been married for 6 months when we found out i was pregnant with akina. 9 months after she was born we found out i was pregnant with jasper.  8 months after he was born we found out we are expecting our third child.  for almost three and a half years of our almost four year marriage, i have been on a hormone roller coaster.  up and down, round and round.  i love my children, they have added a richness to my life that i never imagined. but i fight the little green monster every now and again.  i fight it hard, because i feel so guilty about it.  sometimes i feel like jason and i missed out on a special part of our mariage.  the first couple of years to travel together and have fun. freedom.  freedom.  to do what we wanted, when we wanted.  no babysitters, no extra $30 for a date night.  believe me, i know how petty this sounds, and how it will probably enrage those who want children more than anything.  but this is my honest confession.  i struggle with this sometimes.  not often, but when it hits, it takes me a little while to shake it.  i can't imagine my life without my children and this monster usually climbs on my back when i need a little breather from my duo.  when i forget for a minute to truly appreciate them.  it is a weakness of mine and i know it.  it is something i need to work on.